Posted 5:09 AM by The Consultant

Baked vegetables!! Garlic bread!! A lot of Cheese!! No work!!! Pink Floyd!! AC!!! Not a single soul in the entire hotel!! Reading "War and Peace”!!! Sipping on my favourite fresh Strawberry milkshake!!!

Wow, what a lunch I had yesterday! I was so engrossed in the book that I actually managed to gulp down TWO HUGE BOWLS of baked vegetables without a break!

After the lunch I wondered why such a fine establishment suffered from an obvious lack of patronage. Then I understood!! The community of hotel owners had ostracized the owner of this particular hotel.

He had committed the ultimate sin! He had bought expensive furniture and it was COMFORTABLE!!!!!! I mean how could he do it? The sole aim of acquiring extravagant chairs and couches is to ensure that the person who sits on them suffers from all spinal cord diseases within moments. This hotel owner had, to his own detriment, failed to ensure it.

BTW, War and Peace is a wonderful appetizer. While eating some wonderful wada sambar prepared by my relatives, I managed to wolf down something like 30 wadas. :P:P:P:P

Posted 10:06 PM by The Consultant
I was thinking about the political situation in India yesterday. And I thought of some possible newsflashes if the things continue in the same vein.

1."Mr. Vito Gambini, an Italian tourist was elected as the leader of Congress. The tourist who is visiting India for the first time is rumoured to be a distant relative of Late Mrs. Sonia Gandhi. Mr. Gambini has refused the allegations in a press conference."

2."PM Narendra Modi has warned Pakistan to stop the crossborder terrorism immediately or suffer the dire consequences. He made the speech while inaugurating the Trishul factory. The Trishuls produced in the factory will be distributed among the policemen.”

3.“Ekta Kapoor announced the launch of a new serial called “ Kabhie Saas Kabhie Bahu Kabhie Sautan Kabhie Saheli” on her own entertainment channel “Kyonki”. The serial will feature her superstar brother Kusshhhhhaaaaaaar Kkkkkkkkkapppppppooooooooooooor”

4.“Indian Squad for the Olympics arrived at Paris today. The team contains 15479 officials, their families and the Indian hockey team. Indian hockey team will also take part in other events like swimming, athletics etc.”

Well, I will definitely add a few more items here. ;-)

Posted 2:33 AM by The Consultant
What do you do when you have free time, a computer and you are signed in on MSN? Why, it is so simple! You find an intelligent friend(s), and then invite some poor kid who hates poor jokes to your conversation. Then you change your profile to the same name of one of your friends (better if it is the poor kid’s profile) and the assault begins.

If I am not mistaken, Rajat Karol was the first victim when I tried this with Sunil and Gaurav. Though he was quite cool about it, he certainly was exasperated that day.

Here is a sample.

Poor Kid has been added to the conversation.

Poor Kid says:
Damn it; Stop talking to yourself Poor Kid

Poor Kid says:
GRRR

Poor Kid says:
Oh, why did I tell that to me?

Poor Kid says:
I need help!!

Poor Kid says:
Who is impersonating me?

Poor Kid says:
Oh, it’s me

Poor Kid says:
It’s me, you idiot! Not you.

These are the samples I can provide. Others are a bit too explicit to be included here.

Some precautions:
1.Have the same font, colour and size
2.Keep changing to other profiles if the victim changes his profile to join you.

Have fun! ;-)

Posted 7:27 AM by The Consultant
I just experienced a Paradigm Shift. Okay, maybe it is not that big enough to justify the term "Paradigm Shift". I will then coin a new term (In fact I coined it way back, was just waiting to use it somehow :P) and call it "Paradigm Vibration". This term denotes that the viewpoint is about to change but not quite sure whether the change is justifiable or whether the change is real.

Now, to the point. I feel that all the opinions that we have about the cities and places are to a great extent influenced by the events and experiences surrounding those places , cities and persons. I hate Haridwar because it took me 13 Hours to reach the place instead of 6 hours. The reason was typical Mayawati Raj. She decided that the National Highway will be used only by the pilgrims or "Kavadiyas" trying to emulate Shravan and not by the Buses and Trucks. But I love hrishikesh because I have fond memories of sitting with my feet dangling in the river Ganga on a beautiful evening. The water was rushing by at a tremendous speed and all the bad feelings created by the journey, the hot and humid weather of Delhi and Rajasthan, all my anxieties about my upcoming job as an articled clerk were just washed away. It was as if a thirsty desert was suddenly lashed by torrential rains. Whenever I think of Hrishikesh, I feel as if I am a green, cool and wet tree in a rain forest on a moonlit evening.

Today, after my work was done, I took an aimless stroll over Nasik. It was a wonderful experience. I had nowhere to go. I had toiled pretty hard. I had just watched Two Towers on a big screen for the first time. I had a bottle of Mountain Dew in my hand. Wow, I have never felt so peaceful, so privileged. Thank you, IIM Lucknow! Thank you for these wonderful two years in my life. Thank you Gaurav Sabnis for a new and wonderful hobby. Thank You Garware Ltd. for the project!

:D:D:D:D

Posted 2:42 AM by The Consultant

For a long time now, I have been thinking about writing something about the drivers of private buses. Today, the company bus that takes me from my place to the company just missed killing 5 people in a car. The driver was very upset at missing them. I guess too many people have ‘missed’ his bus lately. So I must dedicate this post to our driver.

He is absolutely amazing. I feel that he cherishes a fond hope in his heart to compete in F1 with his bus. Probably, he was told that he could take part soon. So he has been practising his art on the roads of Pune.

He has a few rules. All the people who are allowed, nay, privileged to sit in his bus are supposed to know them by heart. I guess they are roughly as follows.
1.The bus might not be my property, but nobody tells me how to drive it.
2.The place where you are supposed to wait for the bus is only for my general reference. I may stop anywhere within 100 meters from that spot.
3.You are allowed exactly 0.000000002 milliseconds per person to board the bus. (If you don’t know why, please watch the pit stops at F1 races)
4.The pedestrians that you see are, in fact, the ISI terrorists who have been cleverly disguised.
5.The brakes will be used only if the independence of India is at stake.
6.The ideal way to overtake a huge vehicle (preferably a tanker carrying petrol) is when the distance between the oncoming vehicle (again preferably a petrol tanker) and the former vehicle exceeds the width of the bus by 1 mm. (Actually it can be overtaken even if the excess is 0.00001 mm. But I believe in driving safely)
7.Why should I stop the bus just because you want to get down? People have jumped from speeding vehicles before.

I have tried hard to understand and internalize them. But yet he keeps surprising me with a new one every now and then. Today, I learnt rule no. 8.

8.People realize the importance of being alive only when it is threatened. Hence, I try to enlighten the masses with whatever meager skills that have been bestowed upon me.

Forget Narayan Karthikeyan! A new force is emerging.

Posted 11:40 AM by The Consultant
Today, after a long time, I had the privilege of traveling in the Local or the lifelines of Mumbai. It was one wonderful trip to Mumbai and what better way to end it than to travel in a crowded local!

Feeling rather worn out today after the traveling. So more about it in the next post.
Goodnight!

Posted 6:41 AM by The Consultant
The first time we met, he was sniffing my shoes. As soon as he sensed my presence, he gave a yelp and started running or rather waddling as fast as his tiny legs could carry his fat body. I picked him up and took a good look at him. He certainly did not cooperate. He kept squirming, making angry yet helpless noises.

I finally put him down, expecting him to run away. He did, but suddenly stopped after a couple of meters. He turned around and gave me a dirty look. Despite being such a small bundle, he seemed to have quite a character. He conveyed as much disgust and anger as his small shiny eyes could. Then, he snorted and waddled away as if he had all the time in the world. I ran after him and again picked him up. I carried him inside and found a nice biscuit for him.

As he gulped down the tiny bites, he wagged his tail vigorously, signing on the peace treaty. After completing the biscuit, he waited for more. As none were forthcoming, he cautiously advanced and sniffed me, making sure that his tiny wet nose will recognize me again. Then he went on the tour of a garden and I left him alone in his adventure.

It became a ritual. He started coming early in the morning. Once he gulped down his biscuits, he would take a tour of the garden where he would find new and exciting things everyday. Sometimes, he would lie down at my feet sniffing the cool morning breeze. Some evenings, as I returned from the office, he would materialize out of nowhere. He would chase my kinetic all the way to home.

He became a very busy dog, for his master was the watchman at the nearby construction site. He had a lot of responsibilities. He worked as an unofficial representative of the RTO Driving License Division. Whenever he sighted a scooter coming his way, he would wait on the side staring at the front wheel of the scooter. As soon as the scooter came close enough, he would go for the front wheel. The poor driver suddenly coming under this frontal assault would really panic. In his reign there, he managed to floor at least five drivers. Fortunately for them, none of them were hurt. He was a true gentleman. He never targeted female drivers. And I don’t know why, he never targeted my family members or me.

His main job was to ensure that all the workers in the nearby construction place remained alert and on their toes. He had a habit of moving around and making sure that he was exactly where no construction worker wanted him. He would develop a sudden interest in a fellow’s footwear the moment he lifted up a heavy load. He would take his naps bang in the middle of the way the construction workers usually used. He did not like the visits of the architects and senior engineers. Soon no engineer would enter the place unless he was tied up. But catching a free dog is not an easy task. So the poor fellow had to inspect the work with one eye on this fearsome looking dog barking and dancing all over the place with fury.

After about one year or so, the watchman and his family moved to another place. He also moved with them, for the dog does not distinguish between two human beings on the basis of financial status. But for next four mornings, he kept coming back for his morning treat. Soon his visits dwindled and then stopped all together.

Four years later, while I was going to meet my friend in Miraj, I saw a dog chasing my kinetic in my rearview mirror. I stopped and he caught up. He jumped all over me, dirtying my trousers with his muddy paws. He looked as if he had found a particularly tasty bone he had hidden a long time back. I smiled and patted him. I parked my vehicle and went into a nearby shop. He dutifully followed me inside the shop. I bought a pack of Parle-G biscuits- his favourites- and offered it to him. He sniffed them and gulped them down voraciously. Somehow, I felt that it was the first time he was eating them after the four years. He finished his treat and then sniffed my vehicle and me. He gave me a happy smile, left his “mark” on the front wheel and then he sauntered away nonchalantly.

I guess it was easy for him. But the goodbye was not so easy for me.

I traveled on that road many times afterwards. I always checked my rearview mirror, but in vain.

Posted 12:08 AM by The Consultant
“And whatever you do, however hard you try, well --- without cunning, without deceit, it’s quite impossible to live. Life is just that way, rot it… It would be fine to ascend to the heights, only the devil’s always clutching at one’s heels.”
M. Gorky

A nice way to sum up the confusions, the dilemmas that we face everyday. One is always debating whether to aim for the ever-eluding greatness or to take a practical and pragmatic (that’s the diplomatic way of putting things, isn’t it?) view and get on with our lives.

I recall reading a Marathi novel called “Tadjod” by Mr. Arun Sadhu. It talks about the life of a young confused politician. Once, the protagonist is talking to a corrupt politician. The corrupt fellow states that following the path that the fundamental principles of life dictate might not be an ideal thing. Instead, one could allow the disputed deal to go through and in return get some donation in the form of a land for a welfare project.

I guess that the life is and always has been gray.

Posted 2:42 AM by The Consultant
????!!!!!!!!

Something is wrong with me. For last three-four days, I have been thinking about the problems that India as a country faces. And I can actually see the solution. Yeah, the solution is very difficult to implement and it cannot be implemented by one individual. It has to implemented by all of us.

Why do we criticise the politicians for not paying enough attention to the people of India? Why do we criticise the people in corporate world for not caring about the investors/public safety etc. while running their respective businesses? Why do we criticise the police for not maintaining the law and order? Why do we think that the government servants are corrupt and lazy? Why do we say that the Government is useless and it is not doing anything for us? Why do we criticise and then conviniently forget all about it when it comes to our own behaviour? Why can' t we see that our own behaviour is the source of all these problems?

How many of us would stop to help in case of a road acident when not going to the work might mean losing our jobs? How many of us would attempt to stop any man from killing another man in a fight? How many of us would go and help that poor beggar who can't walk? How many of us can spare any time from our so called hectic life? Why do we consider business appointments superior to family commitments? When are we going to stop blaming the world around us for being the way it is? When are we going to stop pretending that we are not responsible for what is happening in India? Why do we not feel guilty when our own countrymen are slaughtered in pointless riots? We are responsible. We have to be responsible.

All these questions are equally applicable to me. I wonder when I will have the courage to admit that I owe something to this society and paying off that debt is far more important than my career, my aspirations and my dreams.

Posted 7:15 AM by The Consultant

I wonder

Why do people help each other? This is one question that I haven’t been able to answer satisfactorily. But let me clarify at the outset that I am not at all against the idea. I am just wondering what are the forces that drive such behaviour.

Is it because we feel that someday we might also need to be helped? Is it because we feel that it is the right thing to do? Or is it because we feel that it will help us at the time of the final judgment?

In my life, I have done things that have been helpful to the others. In some cases, I did it because I was sure that the fellow I am helping will certainly help me in the future, should the need arise. Those were purely selfish acts. Sometimes I have helped others because I did not want to regret not doing it afterwards. I have done some such things and then wondered afterwards why on earth I did those.

I don’t think that people do it because they feel that it will help them at the time of their final judgment. I don’t think that people really believe in that. And even if they do, I don’t think that such selfish motive is the cause of such behaviour.

I wonder if the answer lies somewhere in our past. When man was living in the jungle, there must have been incidents where one man has helped another from being mauled by some predator. The prehistoric men would have been helping each other against other species, against the forces of nature, just because the sense of belonging that they felt, just because they felt a need, an urge to protect ‘one of us’. Do people behave in such way because it is something that has become a part and parcel of our psyche since prehistoric times? Or is it because since the beginning of his era, the human being is intrinsically a nice person?

Posted 6:58 AM by The Consultant

The final aim

I wonder how many of us really know what we want to do with our life. The life keeps going on and we are dragged along with it. In a story by Maxim Gorky, a character states that most of us live our lives just getting ready for what we really want to do. We keep telling ourselves that once this or that event takes place, we will stop doing all these boring things and get on with what we really want to do.

Soon we are no longer in a position to achieve our dreams. Then we blame the circumstances in our lives for the failure. We say that had this or this not happened, I would have accomplished what I had set out to do.

In this regard, I would like to talk about a man that I respect a lot. He has influenced my life to a great extent. He was a teacher who wanted to start a school that is different from all the usual schools. He wanted it to be a school that really develops a child, makes a man out of him.

At the age of 58, he took his retirement like everyone else. Then, he set out to achieve his dream. The path certainly was not easy. He had to raise the money for the education society. He had to face the bureaucracy to get all the necessary permissions. It took him a long time. But finally, he achieved his dream. The first batch that appeared for the Board exam from his school passed with flying colours. Any person who is from Sangli will easily realize whom I am talking about.

I do not dare to write his name here, for despite all the hard work that he did, despite achieving what he wanted to do, the man prefers to stay away from the glare of publicity. He prefers to work and is satisfied only with the pleasure that the work gives him. I wonder how many of us, the young generation has the guts, the courage and the dedication

Posted 9:53 PM by The Consultant

Mayawati Raj

A couple of months ago, I had gone to Parivartan Chowk in Lucknow. Recently, they have put up 5-6 statues there. The statues are rather small when you compare them with normal statues. I was a bit curious and looked at the base of these statues to find out the identity of these unfortunate people. (Come on, do you think putting up these statues pleases anyone but the sparrows and crows?)

To my utter amazement, I saw nothing but “Sushri Mayawatiji” on all the statues. I took a closer look and found the names of the real fellows written below “Sushri Mayawati” who had inaugurated the statues. Now the font size utilized to write these names is usually used to write the ingredients on the small bottles of medicine that we buy.

Yeah, I am exaggerating a bit, but is this the way to honour the likes of Mahatma Phule and Shahu Maharaj? Who is Mayawati when we compare her with these great luminaries of the past? Even if it was not done on her instructions, surely she could have noticed the fact and asked for some changes to be made?

It is bad enough having these politicians around and realizing everyday that they are alive and well. Why do we have to bear the expense of their shameless publicity? Why should the public money be wasted in building statues and parks so that the whimsical wishes of some idiot are fulfilled?

Posted 4:16 AM by The Consultant


Whew!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, the CA Final Exams are over. Though, I don’t know whether it is the final time I am appearing for them.

Since I have joined this profession, I have always heard a lot of criticism about the Chartered Accountants. Whenever there is a fraud and whenever there is a corporate scandal, the fingers are pointed at the poor chartered accountant of the company.

I am writing this piece to make sure that the people understand the things as they stand from the point of view of the CA.

First thing: The CA is not chosen by the management of the company so as to suit their needs. The choice is made by the shareholders of the company. The appointment is made in the annual general meeting and if people holding more than 50% of the capital feel that the CA is good enough, he/she is chosen.

Second thing: The CA does not guarantee that there is no fraud in the company.

Then what does he do? He examines the books of accounts and states whether, according to the information he has, the financial statements show the true and fair picture of the state of company’s affairs as of that date.

A normal company has more than a million entries in its books. The number of documents, the number of people involved is huge. If one wants the CA to ensure that there is no fraud, no collusion between the employees, the charges for such a task would be sky high.

Another popular notion doing the round is that a CA will certify anything if you pay him. Well, it takes a lot of efforts and intelligence to become a CA. It is one of the toughest examinations in India. If the CA certifies something and then it turns out to be false, the fellow will lose his right to practice. In short, he will cease to be a CA, lose his source of livelihood. No person in his right mind will take this kind of risk.

CA is a profession and like all the professions, there will be a few black sheep. But some activism on the part of the shareholders of the company will drive them out.

How many shareholders bother to vote or even attend the AGM? How many shareholders invest their money after proper review of the company rather than some speculative motive?

I do not want to bore you with a lot of legal provisions that are there to ensure that a CA does his job. But believe me, it is not full of desperate crooks who will do anything if you throw some coins at them.